Americanime
by BallpointNym
Summary: Naruto, most famed teen street thug in Konoha district, did not expect this much culture clash upon transfer to the U.S school of Acme Acres high. Most people are bigoted, the teachers are outright loony, and he's far less popular in this new locale.


** Omigod, so like totes, ther was dis one hiskool in JAPAAAAAN, and dere was dis one gy named Naruto, and he waz, liek, the hottest guy on all the sportz teems. He was the leader of the Yakuza wannabee kids at his skool, and had soooooo many crushes from all the girls, and was in sixty differnt luv triangles!11! (lol)**

** So he had this rival, named sasuke, who waz almost as hawt as he was, but had yaoi crsh on him, and didn't act on it, not because of any immense and complex societal pressures and imposed norms about sexuality. Oh, no, silly! It waz cuz dere waz DA SEXUAL TENSION. And Sakura waz a bitch, and hed of the chirleeders and tried to make Naruto's leif miserable from septembrr to mai, (A/N: which of course is the shcoool year, dmmiies. I didnt chek if it waz lik dat in japaaan, becuz or cousc it would b)! **

** A/N: Okaaayzies, but dis story haz a twist, and like, uuuuh… OH!OH!H!OH!O I knooooow! Mabe Naruto is exchange to amrica! Aftr all, e-z-er 2 rite! Now, i dunno of any animies that take place in amrca, but I iz havin a joint authr, and im sure my joint authr will totes take care of it. It'z no liek hell put in sum crap about US cartoonz. OMG THOSE SUKKKK.**

** Tootlz!**

Kamina reproachfully eyed the acceptance letter his best friend has shoved into his hand, as if the slip of pulp and ink had just called him "mother".

"And you're going along with this, Naruto," he asked said friend, almost keeping his distance from the grinning blond. "Exchange to America?"

"The fabled land of milk and honey," Ichigo snorted, which earned laughs from nearly all of the gang members sitting at their table.

"Going along with it?" Naruto himself grinned broadly, his oddly marked cheeks forcing his eyes closed, "It was my idea, man."

"Why in the hell would it be?" Inuyasha, another figure in the gang, interjected. "I thought you'd have enough U.S. Culture shoved down your throught living with that maniac foster guy."

Naruto held his hands behind his back in pose that secured his position as the most fearsome hooligan that attended the school. "I've been as curious about that place as all hell ever since I moved in with Kyuubi," he said, using his legal guardians nickname. "I already know enough english and Amercan swagger from the guy. I wanted to get a look at them american Yakuza," he grinned, leaning across the table on one elbow.

"There aren't any yakuza there," Ichigo said.

"Whatever they're called," Naruto dissmissd the comment, leaning back down in his chair.

Much incredulous yelling, and goodbyes full of manly tears followed, as if Naruto was leaving right that second. He would in fact, be leaving in the middle of vacation. Once the rest of the "bad boy" table realized that, there would be much akward coughing, and sweat drops, as well as waterfall tear things, and exaggerated veins. After all, they were lucky to have eachother's camraderie for the rest of Uzumaki's stay. There would be run-ins with Sasuke and Kittan's gang, pranks on the spoiled academy punks, love triangles that needed untangling, romances to figure out. It felt like the prime of Naruto's troubled life, and the rash trip overseas seemed millenea away.

But it came, and that is where we begin. This is not a high-school story of impassioned teenage romance, or out-of-perspective angst, or self inserts. This is a high school story of stupidity, intolerance, severely akward occurences, and a maybe a little bit of the extraordinary things you've come to expect out of these characters.

Also it is about being interrupted by-

"Name's Luffy D. Simio! How are you gentlemen! Japanese and Chinese, I see. Cool, cool. Go on, introduce yourselves, I don't bite!"

"Son Goku," Smiled and bowed the tall, stocky boy from Jiangsu Province that Naruto had sat beside on the transfer flight to the U.S. He was milder than his rough visage suggested, but wasn't great with Japanese or English.

Luffy returned the bow, giggling at what he found an exotic gesture, as they were escorted through the airport by the representive from the American School. "Where you from?" asked Goku.

"Brazil! Absolutely my favourite frickin' country on earth, but hey, I'm biased," Luffy laughed obnoxiously. "And what's your name, blondie."

Naruto smirked. "Known all over as Naruto Uzumaki. I worked hard to be the biggest gang leader in my hometown, and let me tell you, that's gonna happen here as well!"

"Not with that accent it's not," Snickered Simio.

"What's wrong with my accent?" Uzumaki demanded, a mask of anger concealing a face of self-conciousness.

"Nothing, nothing, just a joke. I have a pretty thick one, too," Said luffy, smiling, warmly this time. "That stuff'll wear off with time."

"Me- I hope so," Goku chuckled, nervously. This spurned an even louder laugh from Luffy, and a sneer from Naruto. Goku looked like he didn't know if he should be taken aback.

"You're getting along alright?" the representitive asked in English. He then said something in Chinese that was probably the same phrase. The man was Asian, minimalistic in expression, and very reserved in speech. All three exchange students had almost missed him when he can come to pick the three up in this crowded airport.

Goku nodded. "Yes sir, mr, uh…" said Luffy, reaching for a name.

"They call me Jack," responded the adult, without turning his gaze.

"Just Jack?" asked Goku.

"Yes."

"No, 'mr'?"

"No 'mr'."

"Oh."

That put an odd dampener on the mood. They walked on in silence to baggage claim, where they waited for their possetions to come rolling by. "So, sorry about the whole accent thing," said Luffy as he watched the bags in their somber procession. "To tell you truth, I always wanted to be a pirate. That's sorta like what you want, right?"

"Fucking _Yatsu_"

"Huh?"

"It means 'person I hate'."

"I was being sincere." Luffy honestly was beginning to sound a little angry. Naruto made eye contact, and almost jumped at the serious look in his wide eyes and clenched jaw.

"Whatever," Naruto mumbled, reaching for his bag, thankful for an excuse to leave.

…

"We're picking up a two more students at a different airport," Said jack, as they piled into a gray, beaten-up minivan. Grunts of aknowledgement followed. Simio had been put in a serious bad mood by Uzumaki, and without his moral support, the team of exchange students found themselves in a rather somber positio. Luffy and Goku began to dread the impending epic culture clash they just new they would experience. Naruto made a greater effort to stifle these feelings, and bosted to no one about his reputation for most of the ride.

Half and hour later, they arrived at the new airport. Jack asked if they would be okay alone in the minivan. Naruto snorted. "Of course I'll be alright. You're looking at the toughest fighter in all of Konoha district."

"Sure," Said Jack.

Three minutes of solitude in the car. Then-

"Al, ich habe es zweimal, und ich bin absolut positiv, dass sie einen Fehler gemacht."

"Aber Ed-"

"Ich bin nicht in diese Diskussion."

Two white boys, around the age of the other exchange students, piled into the car, arguing furiously. "Ed" was scouling and sharp looking, his blonde hair tied in a shoulder-length brade. "Al", had cropped brown and a kind face. He looked just enough like Ed to be his brother, which was likely, given there apparent level of farmiliarity. Al snuck in a smile and a wave to the rest of the van before being pulled back into the talk. His stomach turning, Naruto noticed one of Ed's sleeves was pinned and rolled up. He was missing an arm.

"Where did that come from," Uzumaki bluntly asked the braided kid, trying to cover his own queasiness. He gestured to the stump.

Ed froze, mid-syllable. "Non of your concern," he snapped in perfect, yet accented, english. "I have a prosthetic leg too, but don't ask about that either."

"Can you poop?" Luffy asked, smiling.

Naruto sort of blacked out the next few moments, but he did sort of have some base memory of incredulous staring followed by badly worded apologies followed by plenty of yelling.

"Quiet," said Jack. That one word was backed with so much severity, it was a wonder no one jumped in their seat.

The road stretched on for another few minutes, some very impressive acres of wood and sloping hills flowing through the windows. Naruto, fed up with the silence, last said, sniggering, "So- why did a gang of baka like you each decide to pile into this country. I have an American yakuza as a guardian, so I'm pretty in-touch with the goings on here. Just thought a trip around the world will help my goal of being top in the streets worldwide." Ed rolled his eyes, while luffy mouthed _Yakuza?_

"I come here for dragon balls," said Goku, simply.

No one moved an inch. "What, like, ryu testicles?" Naruto said.

"You just can taste the idiocy in here," said Ed, shaking his head. "If you're interested, I came here due a disire to expand my intellect abroad in a cultural crossroad. There was a mistake, and by the time we realized we were going to Acme fucking Acres, not New York, our names were already set in stone."

"Here we are," Jack interrupted, pulling into one hell of a driveway. "You've all gotten informatin on your host families, correct?"

All of the boys grunted aknowlegement, except for Goku, who smiled politely. He waved goodbye to the other exchange students, then grabbed his meager possestions and left the van. He peered down at the mailbox, mouthing he name "Bei Fong" written on it, making sure he got the right place. The house itself was titanic, all huge windows and gravel driveway. As they pulled out, Naruto was beginning to seen more houses like it- they were entering the suburb.

They reached an equally impressive house, with a more imposing gothic design, a bit closer to its neighbors than the Bei Fong's. Smiling on the outside, Naruto hopped off the van, shouted "later, losers," and strode up to the impressive door before he could fear repercussion. The thing had an honest-to-god knocker, carved like a scowling gargoyal. It was as if the designer outright admitted that the family inside was evil. He prepared to ignore any spoiled residents of the house, maybe play a subjectively innoccent prank or two. They were supposed to be rolling in the green, fucking pansies.

Naruto reached in his jacket for a folded picture, looking it over. It was the one his host family had sent him. The father spoke fluent Japanese, due to his heritage, which was lucky. His letter was clipped and formal, and Uzumaki had laughed with his guardian at some of the world choices. The picture was equally formal. It featured parents, one son, and one daughter, sitting in antique furnature. The mother was the only occupant who seemed to be half-smiling. It was a pity she had died a few years back.

"We would prefer if you feasted your eyes on the real thing," a voice jolted Naruto out of his thoughts.

The girl from the photo, a few years older (early teens, it looked), smiled frigidly at him from the doorway. She was shorter than him, but her peircing near-gold eyes seemed to add least two feet in hight. Her hair was done short with a ponytail, not one strand out of place, and she had just the right amount of makeup on to look like a very important financial advisor, or an attournery tycoon. Her threads were as conservative as the picture- expensive skirt and blouse.

"Azula Ikari," she said bowing curtly.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto bowed in return.

"A pleasure, Naruto-Kun," Azula shook his hand in the most vice-like manner that was possible for a female of her age. The Uzumaki boy has the weirdest feeling that her stare was gathering data like a robot in a tv show does- all flashing info and thermal imaging.

"I've been meaning to ask," he said, after three seconds of no blinking whatsover, "Are you guys related to the Tokyo Ikaris?"

Azula's smile faultered at the mention of one of Japan's most well known family business. "My dad's work actually used to be their branch in the states," she responed, as if she had explained this several times before. "But then grandfather cut him off. Pop's incredibly talented in the trade, so he managed to make it work. He's been getting into scraps with his little brother Gendo in the politics of these matters, but other than that, we don't talk too much with that side of the family. Uncle inherited the company proper in the homeland, you see."

Naruto was about to pull off his best "too cool for this" interruption (to cover up the fact that he didn't understand at all), when Azula (girl was a regular motormouth) went on. "But enough about family. I didn't mean to drag you into these issues, you must be plenty traumatized from all that culture shock. Come, I shall give you the grand tour.

Naruto made a move to slip out of his footwear. When Azula saw this, she raised both eyebrows, and said, "Shoes on please. Get used to the customs, big boy."

"Don't try boss be around like that!" Uzumaki said, his voice rising as high as the Ikair girl's eyebrow. "Who the hell do you think I am? I don't know if you read my letter, but I have a goal to be-"

"Oh, wow. Somebody fancies himself a shounen hero. You really need to learn the hierarchy around here," Azula butted in, still smiling. "It's favor based. The more Father likes you, the more authority you have. And right now, since he hasn't even _met _you," she avoided eye contact playfully, "I wouldn't try to upset any established order. Kapiche?"

"Huh?"

"Understand?" Azula locked eyes with him in a nanosecond.

Naruto, almost getting goosebumps nodded, letting loose Kyuubi's choicest english swears as he brushed past Azula.

"Your room is to the left up the big stairs. I think you'll like Zuko, his bed is to the right," she called after him.

"You don't have the right… to…" damn, his english was off when he was flustered. "To say what I feel!"

"Of course I don't," Azula beamed. "Dinner at six. You can read roman numerals, can't you? And there's black hair dye in the bathroom, goldielocks."

Naturo stomped into his new, fruity looking room, and slammed the door without answering.

…

"Now onto this year's foreign exchange program for Acme Acres Highschool. Johnathan Siagyo, I hope I'm pronouncing that right-" muffled laughter from some members of the PTA followed. The speaker glared at them, quickly revealing that that had not meant to be a joke. He continued. "Johnathan Siagyo has successfully driven all five imported exchange students to their host families, with no complications along the way. The official introduction and tour will be held on the eighteenth of August."

Superintendant Micheal "Mickey" Luch continued to drone on about protocol and procedures and the like. This School Board meeting had been almost entirely constituted of the man's squeaky voice rattling on about things everyone already knew. The room was tragically dim, the coffee liquid shame, and the cigarette smoke politely ignored. Barnard "Bugs" Harvey, principal of Acme Acres High, offered a glance to the local Catholic School headmaster. Claude Frollo didn't return what he didn't like, and that glance definitely counted. And, unless hell had frozen over when Bugs wasn't looking, the headmaster would be against keeping these students here for more than a month.

**OMG THIS SUX FUK. U CAN KEEP IT FR AL I CARE, NYM.**


End file.
